Happy long weekend!

Answers to your questions inside

Kelsey Komorowski
February 17, 2024

Hello and happy Saturday!

I for one am extra excited about this long weekend.

Sonny (19 months) started daycare on Monday, which means we both had more tears than usual. But, it’s only three days a week, and I keep reminding myself that getting socialized is SO good for him. Especially when his little face crumples when I go to leave 🥹

Tears and growing pains aside, this is his “big boy” pose. Can you tell he likes teddy bears?

Daycare ready

OK, on to all things learning and school success! To make sure you can easily read the stuff that’s most interesting to you, here’s a breakdown of today’s issue:

Q+A

These are some of the questions you asked last week, and the things you said you need help with:

🎒 Finding a way to enjoy learning more instead of dreading it. Making goals or finding motivation to do well in school.

For your child to enjoy learning, they first have to understand how learning works.

They have to understand that learning (and life) success boils down to two things: whether they can manage and engage in their work.

There is a system for learning. But most students don’t have a system, they simply “do” school. This means their relationship with schoolwork is:

transactional + superficial. They just want to get their homework done and off their plate so they can go do other stuff they actually want to do.
reactive + passive. They react to what has been assigned to them, rather than taking initiative or ownership to learn what they’re being taught. This means consuming information or completing worksheets (passive)> co-constructing understanding (active).

This also accounts for why so many students procrastinate and aren’t motivated. Procrastination isn’t about bad time management or laziness, it’s about emotions. I won’t get into the weeds of emotional regulation here, the important thing to know is that when something makes us feel dumb or bored or overwhelmed, we want to avoid it.

And this isn’t a student thing, it’s a human thing. Which is why it’s even more valuable for them to learn this through their schoolwork, because the need to do stuff we don’t want to do doesn’t go away.

What my brain does at tax time

We gravitate towards things that make us feel good.

“Doing” school - as opposed to actually learning- generally doesn’t feel good. Learning feels GREAT, but as we know students aren’t taught how to learn so they’re missing out.

Kids need a system to learn how to learn. They don’t wake up magically one day with it all figured out.

The first part of this system is a daily routine that literally anyone can do. The cool thing is that this routine works no matter how old they are (Grade 6 to university) or what their learner profile is (our kiddos with ADHD find this especially helpful to stay focused and actually do the things they need to do). This is the daily routine I still use to stay in control of the million things on my plate.

This routine is the closest thing I’ve found to a magical solution for late work and stress. It’s effective for a lot of reasons, not least because it builds focus and because routines are essential for dealing with a lack of motivation.

Here’s the daily routine to help your child shift from student (doing school😡) to learner (actually learning and enjoying school😁):

Check. Check each subject, one at a time, to see if there’s any late work or anything new assigned.
Plan. Plan out the completion of that work, in the calendar.
Do. Do the work.

Check + Plan = management.

Do = engagement.

This is ground zero for the work I do with my students (it’s literally week 1 of my program). They can learn the best ways to study and take notes, they can have the best accommodations or private tutors, but if they’re not habitually carving out time and space to manage how and when they’re doing these things, it won’t move the needle. Especially long term, which is of course what we want.

—> I go into all of this in detail in a workshop series called “The 8 Keys To Student Success.” Part 1 is here. Skip to 2”16 to dive right in, and skip to 15”26 to get into goal setting & the daily routine.

🧑‍🎓 I feel I cannot help my kids unless I master this, but I need them to be able to stand on their own two feet regardless if I master this or not.

You’re right, it can be easier to help your kids when you yourself feel confident with the skills they need.

There are a couple of ways to navigate this.

#1 Ask, don’t tell

Some good news - you don’t need to have mastered your own skill set in order to help them stand on their own two feet.

A critical part of learning how to learn is ownership over the process, which for you as the parent translates to asking > telling.

Telling your kid they need better time management, that they need to use a calendar or follow their to-do lists doesn’t really work and it’s not sustainable. This is largely because you’re the one telling them what to do, and you’re likely telling them to do things they don’t know how to do.

So many students aren’t even aware that they don’t know what to do. For example, the number of teens who think plugging a deadline into their agenda is time management is astounding.

So, to help them stand on their own two feet,

1) make sure they can explain how to do the thing they need to do. Ask them

—> What is time management anyway? How do we do it? What does it look like in practice? What are the steps to managing our time?

Remember, it’s not about you being an expert in telling them how to do these things. It’s about helping them self-assess their own knowledge or level of skill. If they can’t answer clearly and with confidence, they don’t have the knowledge or skill they need. Them being aware of this fact as a result of their own thinking lends itself to them being more open to learn and improve.

2) ask questions to understand their inner “why” / help them tap into why it matters to them.

Importantly, this isn’t about focusing on the thing but rather on what the thing will afford them. I.e. it’s not about using the calendar to improve time management, it’s about getting A’s, more free time, not having any late work, not having Mom/Dad nagging at them anymore, feeling smarter, etc.

—> On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want weekends with zero schoolwork? If I never nagged you again about school, would you use a calendar? What would be the best part of working less but getting better grades?

(^ all of these are consequences of improved time management. Surfacing what they get from using a tool wins more often than focusing on the tool itself.)

#2 Model (i.e. show > tell)

Invest some time and energy into learning these things for yourself.

Start with picking one thing you want to get better at (it can be small!), and dedicate meaningful and/or consistent time to doing so. Let your kids see you walking the walk > talking the talk.

Importantly, don’t hide the hard. Model what it looks like for you to struggle, to get resourceful, to overcome.

One of the main reasons modeling is so powerful is because you’re not forcing anything on to them. You’re doing your part to fortify a family culture, which is arguably the ultimate hack for seeing more of the behavior and growth you want to see.

Why? Well, just imagine trying to tend to your garden by poking and prodding at individual flowers, as opposed to nurturing the soil in which they’re growing.

✍️ Test taking strategies and confidence.

Challenges with test taking = challenges with learning.

If a student understands

(1) the material, and

(2) how to translate that understanding in a timed setting (i.e. on a test),

They will do well on every test.

Most students think they struggle with tests, when really they struggle with learning the material for that test. See the first question above for how to address this.

If your kid is “studying” by reading stuff over a couple days before the test, they’re doing it wrong. I don’t know how or why this became normalized, but it’s garbage.

“Studying”

It can take a bit of time to help students reframe “studying” as something you do right before a test to learning consistently from the first week, but it pays off in spades.

Learning

Once we know your kid is learning properly, we can look at test taking strategies. The most important one?

Taking practice tests at home. Timed.

This is the simplest and fastest way for your child to go into the test knowing they know what they need to know (read that again) vs. hoping they’ll do OK.

Practicing the specific strategies needed for the test, whether it’s an in-class essay or short answer or multiple choice, is crucial.

A little extra prep time, yes, but of the thousand students I’ve worked with, 99% have found it worth it for the higher grades they get and to not feel so anxious all the time.

Offer (closes Feb 23)

The next cohort of the Student Success Accelerator 2.0 starts February 26th. I take your child by the hand and show them exactly how to set themselves up for learning and school success.

—> In 8 weeks or less, they’ll have the skills and mindsets they need to thrive + a proven system for higher grades, less stress, more free time and motivation.

—> My ask of you, the parent, in this program is to attend 1 weekly parent coaching call, but otherwise stand back completely so I can help your kid stand on their own two feet 🚀

Details are here. Enrollment closes Friday the 23rd.

If you think it’s a fit for your family, click here to book a call.

Opportunities

Disney College Program. For kids 18+, USA only. There are cool offshoots of the general program too, like this one for students attending an HBCU (Historically Black College or University).
Penn State Business Opportunities Summer Session (BOSS). This is a two-week program for high school juniors in the USA, who are interested in studying business in college. Whereas a lot of comparable programs are $$$, this one is just $50 when and if accepted.
CDC Disease Detective Camp (I LOVE this one!). It’s an academic day camp for students the summer before their Jr or Sr year. They learn about things like environmental and global health, emergency preparedness and public health law. Even and especially if your kid isn’t into STEM, check it out. There are so many different skill sets and personalities that can thrive within a “science” organization. Bonus: it’s free😍

Resources

Abigail Wald is one of the best parenting coaches out there, especially if you have younger kids (grade school). She’s no nonsense, extremely relatable and tends to cut through BS and deliver straight value. She just came out with a new private podcast, here’s the link to subscribe.
WordReference.com. This feels especially random but if you or your kids are learning a second language, this is gold for conversational sayings, translations, double checking verb conjugations etc.

Sonny throws a plate at my face

I know Sonny is younger than your kids, but I see that as an opportunity to hopefully/potentially learn from your experience (#mompower?).

Specifically, atm, he has just started to throw things. It started with him picking up a small plate and chucking it at my face - it hit my TEETH and really hurt - and throughout the week on a few different occasions he threw some toy animals at my head. Then threw a mini tantrum when I let him know that’s not OK.

Any tips??