Hello!

What a whirlwind it has been since September.

I can’t believe it’s almost the holidays, school is winding down, and Sonny is speaking full sentences about Santa 🤯 

A part of my end-of-term routine is reflecting on my clients’ challenges and how we overcame them.

I’m sharing the three biggest barriers to learning success I saw this Fall, including the silent battle teens are fighting when it comes to school.

If any of these challenges been affecting your family, that doesn’t have to be the case come January.

I’m also sharing a couple cool opportunities and a quick tip, but first -

Let’s get into it.

Top 3 Barriers To Student Success

They focus on subjects, not skills.

A student I started working with recently felt he was “bad” at science. The first time we did his Biology homework together, he had to watch a 10-minute video about cells. He brought up the video and went to hit play.

I asked how he planned to take notes. He hadn’t planned on that.

So we create his note-taking document.

Then he hits play. He watches…and watches…and finally at around the 4 minute mark, he hits ‘pause’ to take his first note.

But he couldn’t remember the names of the concepts covered so far. He spent a few minutes going back and trying to find the main ideas to write them down.

For the next round, we said he’d hit “pause” whenever something important was mentioned so he could note it down. We also talked about how to identify what’s actually important (e.g. what we want to write down).

He did this for the remaining 6 minutes of the video. He captured the main concepts and it took him approximately 7.5 minutes.

Compared to watching 4 minutes of video and taking over 10 (frustrating) minutes to capture some of the main concepts.

The second part of that video wasn’t easier, but it felt easier.

He learned MORE in LESS time.

He thought he was struggling with Bio, but the silent battle - the real battle - was with a fundamental learning skill.

Now, this wasn't an overnight fix - we then needed to tie those notes to how to study properly, which is the prelude to acing his tests. But diving into skills-based learning, whether through note-taking, studying, or test-taking, is a huge win that makes the path to success a lot easier.

If there’s one thing we we want your teen to understand for 2025, it’s that their success in school boils down to skills - to how well they can learn any subject.

This shift in perspective is a game changer, and the slides below explain why (feel free to share with your teen, it is speaking to them 😊):

Lack of routine

One of my Grade 12 students told me he does his work when he “feels like it.”

The problem? He often doesn’t feel like it. So he procrastinates, which drives his Mom bananas, then gets mad at her for “nagging” even though she’s the one sitting with him at 11:30pm helping him finish the work that’s due at 11:59pm.

When homework is mood-dependent, it’s a recipe for disaster.

When homework is routine-dependent, it gets done consistently and on time.

Most students resist routine at first. But then they give it a go and usually, within 4-5 days of following my simple Check - Plan - Do routine, they change their tune.

No more late work or late nights. Grades go up. Stress and fights about school go down.

This cannot emphasized enough:

We can teach them how to take notes and study but if they’re not habitually carving out the time and space to do these things, it won’t move the needle much.

Fear of getting resourceful

This one is really interesting to me. Asking a question when something isn’t clear is a sign of intelligence, yet every student I worked with this term thought it would make them look bad.

One of my college students had an essay and didn’t understand a part of the prompt. It was worded weirdly.

I asked him how we might get clarification. He said he didn’t know. When I suggested writing the TA or Prof, he was horrified.

“No way, they’ll think I’m stupid.”

Another student, in high school, swore she had handed in all of her work for an AP class but it was showing as missing on Canvas and had been for weeks. Her grade was low and even though she wasn’t worried, her Mom was.

Me: How can we confirm that your teacher actually got your work?

Student: We can’t. I just have to wait until she gets around to posting the grades.

Me: …what if we wrote her an email or sent a message through Canvas? It’ll take 30 seconds.

Student: No, I don’t want to bother her, she’ll be annoyed with me.

Both students resisted asking for help because they were afraid of being judged.

When teens learn there’s a name for help-seeking behavior that is the opposite of ‘looking stupid’ or ‘being annoying’ - that it’s actually something people respect - they can begin to align their beliefs with the fact that being resourceful makes it easier to succeed in school and life.

I actually just added a new lesson on resourcefulness to our curriculum because of the extent to which students are having trouble with it. The first things we want your teen to know:

• Resources are the tools, assets and supports available to us; being resourceful means understanding what these are and using them as needed.

• Resourcefulness is a skill. Like all skills, the more we practice it, the easier it becomes.

The other thing - what if their fear comes true? While I emphasize that it’s unlikely, I’ve learned that going to the worst case scenario in the student’s mind can actually be helpful.

Let’s say the teacher does gets annoyed.

What then?

To borrow from Mel Robbins, let them.

There’s no benefit to moving through life as a prisoner to other people’s potential thoughts about you.

We want your teen to know that asking questions, getting help when they need it is a good thing. Releasing fear of judgement means they can focus on the truth: that they are smart, resourceful and wildly capable of success.

Happy holidays,

Kelsey

Resources & Opportunities

🤑 Jane Street internship. This is a quantitative research position for university students or new grads. Aside from emphasizing they’re open to applicants who have not considered pursuing a career in finance, I was struck by the salary: $250,000. For an internship. Unless this is a typo on their job posting, that is….wild. And worth sharing with your child if they’re 1) potentially interested in this type of work and 2) in college.

🧑‍🎓 Sora Schools recently announced their new free Dual Enrollment Program option. I love this mainly because I’ve worked with so many students who think they want to study Business or International Relations or Psychology…only to get to university and realize they actually don’t like their classes. Previewing a college course can help teens make an informed choice on what they actually want to study vs. what they think they want to study. Details are here.

Quick Tip 💌

Be mindful of syntax (i.e. how you order your words).

“Alex struggled with the test but got an A in the end.”

This prioritizes Alex’s struggles. The outcome - the win - is secondary.

By contrast:

“Alex got an A on his test even though he struggled.”

The first thing we call attention to is the outcome, framing the struggle afterwards as a challenge clearly overcome.

Similar words but different syntax, delivering very different messages.

Which message would you rather your child receive first - a reminder that they struggled or a recognition of their win?