Template for you: Learning Success Reflection

Whether it’s the end of the year or the end of a week, reflection is a good thing.

That said, there’s a big difference between generic, surface-level reflection and structured, actionable reflection. Below are 6 questions to facilitate the latter (followed by a couple cool opportunities and a quick tip).

These can be completed by you and your teen, just you or just your teen. Or, you and your partner. In any case, take a minute for each person to jot down their thoughts on paper. If you’re doing this as a family, which I highly recommend, write your thoughts down before sharing.

This reflection isn’t about what happened to us this term; it’s about deciding what we want to do in light of what happened this term.

If your teen did great and wants to build on their success, this will energize their intentions. If your teen struggled and wants to avoid a repeat, this invites ownership and focused effort. Same goes for you.

Importantly - these questions reflect (no pun intended) that it’s not your job to “fix” your child or do the work for them. To nurture resilience, problem-solving skills and self-confidence, it’s our job to support their thinking, guide introspection, and model vulnerability.

Learning Success Reflection Questions

Question 1: On a scale of 1-10, how happy am I with school right now?

1 means you’re miserable and school is torturous; 10 means you’re thrilled and wouldn’t change a single thing.

Parent edition: on a scale of 1-10, how happy am I with how my child is doing in school right now?

Question 2: What’s NOT working for me with school right now?

This could be getting assignments turned in on time or test-taking anxiety, procrastination or “hating” a subject or teacher.

You can think about this in terms of main challenge(s) or struggle(s). Identify what they are and describe in brief what they look like, e.g.

⏲️ Getting assignments turned in on time. I usually wait until the night before something is due to work on in but then won’t finish on time and miss the deadline.

😰 Test-taking anxiety. I freeze up and blank on stuff I’ve studied.

🛑 Procrastination. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to get started and sometimes I mean to but then lose track of time.

👎️ “Hating” a subject. Math sucks and I’ve never been good at it.

Parent edition: what’s NOT working for my child with school right now?

—> This is your perspective on their main challenge(s). They might overlap with your teen, or you two might differ in what you view as their challenge(s).

Question 3: How do these things affect me? Do these things affect anyone else in my home?

A lot of teens initially downplay their answer to this. But reflecting at this deeper level helps with learning to identify patterns and prioritize better. It also requires vulnerability in service of greater self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-trust (all good things we want our teens to develop).

Let’s say procrastination is the #1 thing that isn’t working for your teen in school. While the previous question gets them to name and explain, this question surfaces the cost.

Maybe procrastination is costing them their grades. Or the cost could be their peace of mind and free time since they always have school stuff hanging over them. The longer term cost might include scholarship opportunities, college acceptances, self-esteem.

Parent edition: How does this affect my child and how does this affect me? Does it affect anyone else in my home?

—> This is your experience of the challenge(s) they’re facing. If procrastination is their challenge, for example, it might affect you in terms of the time and energy that goes into making sure they’re on track (nagging, checking their platform, doing work with them late at night), and corresponding stress or frustration.

Question 4: How have I tried to fix this and how well did it work?

Identify what you tried, for how long and the extent to which it worked.

This question is not about judgement or rumination or defensiveness. This question is about data collection. State the facts.

• I tried staying on top of my work when school started and I did really well for the first month. But then I started to fall behind and into bad habits from last year.

• I tried working harder for a few days but that didn’t really help so I stopped trying.

• I tried making a to-do list and it helped for about a week, then I started forgetting and it fell off.

To get the very most of out of this question, get specific with what you tried.

For example, what did ‘working harder’ involve? Describe what this looked like in practice. How did the to-do list work? Who made it, when, and how often?

This question helps students discover for themselves something that (most) parents and educators know: our struggles or successes ultimately don’t stem from how hard we work or how much we try, but from the quality and consistency of the skills and strategies we use.

Parent edition: How have I tried to fix this and how well did it work?

Question 5: What is my One Thing for January?

Considering the answers to previous questions, pick One Thing to focus on for January.

This One Thing is something you do - a specific action you will practice to start swapping out what doesn’t work well with school with what does, quickly and sustainably.

If you struggle with lack of motivation or procrastination, your One Thing might be a daily after-school routine. Accepting the fact that you often will NOT feel motivated to do your work, but will still get it done because you have a good routine, is a conduit to significantly higher levels of success and happiness.

(The Check - Plan - Do is a simple and incredibly effective daily routine, which I’ve written about extensively elsewhere so won’t delve into here).

If you have test-taking anxiety, your One Thing could be learning a new study strategy for January, and practicing it on quizzes and tests in all subjects.

Write out what your One Thing is. Bonus for also writing out when you’ll do it.

E.g. My One Thing is practicing a daily routine. I’ll do it at 4pm Mondays - Wednesdays and 7pm on Thursdays starting January 6th.

Why only One Thing when there are likely a few things that need attention?

We get results where we focus our energy; we move the needle faster by focusing on one thing than splitting focus between five things.

Parent edition: What is my One Thing for January?

Question 6: What does that One Thing do for me?

Better grades? Homework-free weekends? Less stress? Think about what is received or removed as a result of your One Thing.

This is similar to Question 3 but instead of examining cost, we’re exploring benefits. If you’re not sure, take a few minutes to think about it. Feel free to Google it.

The more detailed your response to this question, the better. Write it in the present tense.

E.g. My One Thing is practicing a daily routine to stay on top of my work. Starting January 6th, I do it at 4pm Mondays - Wednesdays and 7pm on Thursdays.

This removes a few things from my life: late nights doing schoolwork, feeling disappointed in myself, stress from missing assignments, fights with Mom over those missing assignments. I get better grades because my work is in on time and I feel more in control and organized with school.

Parent edition: What does that One Thing do for me?

Feel free to rinse and repeat these questions at the end of January, February, March…or any time your teen is struggling. No need to wait for the end of the month or semester. They’re one decision away from feeling as smart as they actually are and getting the grades they’re truly capable of, and they can make that decision at any time.

Wishing you and your family a very Happy New Year 🤩🎉 

See you in 2025!

Kelsey

Resources & Opportunities

• If you have a recent Computer Science graduate in your life, check out this job opportunity with Tutors International. They specialize in sourcing private educators and support roles for the 1% and offer meaningful work with high pay (this contract is $180,000/year). Yours truly contracted with this company a few years ago, can confirm they’re the real deal and the guy who runs it cares deeply about the families they work with and the people they employ.

• Haven is a non-profit that helps refugees start a new life in Canada. I recently met their founder, Victor, and am so inspired their work. If your child is 18+ and seeking a volunteer opportunity (or if you’re interested in volunteering yourself 🙂), they’re looking for native English speakers to have 1:1 conversations with newcomers to help them improve their language skills. A lot of non-profits are mission and impact driven, but this is unique in how relationship-driven it is. You get to (virtually) meet the person you’re helping and witness their progress firsthand.

• The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth About Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller and Jay Papasan. This best-selling book expands on the notion of achieving more in less time through focusing on - you guessed it - one thing at a time. Full disclosure: I haven’t read this YET but it’s on my list for 2025!

Quick Tip 💌 

If anyone in your home uses Google docs, you need to know about the paint feature.

I use it almost every day. It saves a bunch of time when formatting, especially if you’re copy/pasting text from another page, yet I can count on one hand the number of students who know about it. Literally every time I show a student, I hear “WHOAAA!"

Here’s a 50 second tutorial on how it works.

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