3 myths teens believe (that sabotage grades and confidence)

When I first started my career at the Ministry of Education, it was widely accepted that people have different learning styles - visual, auditory, etc. - and that you learn more effectively in your preferred style.

This is 1) not true and 2) a great example of a myth that many (really smart) people bought into.

—> if this is news to you, check out the video clip at the bottom of this email featuring the always eloquent Adam Grant.

Just as adults buy into things that aren’t true, teens develop beliefs around myths too.

As we start a new school year, I want to highlight some of these to help make sure they don’t sabotage your teen’s grades or confidence. While separating fact from fiction is integral to long-term success in school and life, it will also enable them to start feeling and doing better immediately.

Here we go:

Myth: “I don’t need my own calendar”

Fact: If you want consistently high grades and low stress, yes you do.

No calendar = no time management.

Without this most foundational part of any time management system, your teen will struggle more than they need to. Them choosing not to manage their time (and hence their schoolwork) means you will almost certainly be cast in the role of Homework Police. This isn’t healthy or fun for anyone.

When it comes to tackling this in your home, there’s a lot of value in using statements of fact to help teens really get the relationship between choices and outcomes. For example:

“If you choose to create and use your own calendar, you will get better grades, feel more motivated, and enjoy more free time.”

“If you choose NOT to create or use your own calendar, it will be harder to get good grades, you’ll procrastinate more and have less free time.”

Myth: “I have ADHD, I can’t focus”

This one is extraordinarily pervasive and problematic.

First and foremost, focus is a skill. Skills are learned. Humans, including neurodivergent individuals, are designed to learn. It’s what we’re wired for.

{the fact that our education system still doesn’t teach kids HOW to learn - how to do the very thing we’re designed to do - is absolutely insane to me and literally my mission in life to change, but that’s a tangent I won’t go on here.}

Focus isn’t something you have or don’t have; it’s a skill you practice and build or don’t practice and don’t build.

Second, this myth can have a particularly devastating impact on a child’s sense of self and their potential for lifelong growth. Believing that a learning difference means they can’t do things - I can’t focus, I can’t study - internalizes a false narrative of being inherently incapable.

This sabotages self-efficacy and resilience. Instead of leaning into challenges, problem-solving and getting resourceful, teens with this false believe are more likely to shy away from challenges, get frustrated or not even try (they can’t do certain things anyway, so what’s the point of trying?).

If this myth still has any sway in your household, we want to dismantle it ASAP. Let your teen know that ADHD can make it hard to build focus, yes, but we can do hard things. And in fact, many of the best things things in life are earned through hard work and perseverance. Building focus, like learning anything new, can be tough BUT SO ARE THEY 💛 

Myth: “I’m just not motivated”

Lack of motivation is to be expected. It’s not the problem.

The problem is thinking you need to feel motivated to do your work.

We want our teens to know that it’s not

Motivation —> Action —> Success

It’s

Action —> Motivation —> Success

Parents often focus on trying to help their kids get more motivated, when what you want to do instead is help them understand that motivation is irrelevant.

Here are the facts about motivation:

1. It’s unreliable and inconsistent —> you can’t count on feeling motivated.

2. No one else can give you motivation —> you create your own motivation.

The key to getting stuff done even when you’re not motivated? Routines.

Especially when it comes to school, our success is shaped by the quality and consistency of our routines. A simple daily afterschool routine - where they check what they need to do for each subject and plan out when they’re going to do it in their calendar - can be life changing.

Happy Saturday,

Kelsey