2 not-so-obvious reasons teens avoid schoolwork

I’ve been kayaking this summer with my 3-year-old, Sonny. Even though he often runs around like a feral animal, he knows to stay still on the kayak.

We stick to calm coves near home but recently paddled a much bigger river system. It felt like a level up.

(that’s us, leveling up 👇️🙂)

That first day, a boat sped past and kicked up big waves. For a moment, I panicked.

The waves were coming fast. I was narrating to Sonny as I always do, and heard myself say:

The waves can look big but we’re OK so long as we face them head on.

And suddenly, I wasn’t panicking anymore. I knew what to do. I did it. We were fine.

I’ve thought about that moment a lot the last couple of weeks, especially when talking to students (and parents) about schoolwork. Because for many teens, schoolwork is the wave they won’t face head on. This hurts their grades and confidence, and can be painful for parents who know their kid is bright and can thrive…but isn’t.

Most parents I work with describe feeling helpless as they watch their teen repeatedly avoid work, make excuses or shut down entirely.

Like me on the kayak, what they need isn’t to be rescued, but to be reminded they’re capable of dealing with exactly what’s in front of them.

Sometimes work avoidance hides behind lack of motivation (‘I just wasn’t motivated’), other times it’s the blame game (‘the teacher wasn’t clear’).

In any case, the end result is the same: procrastination, stress, disappointment, late or incomplete work, parents nagging and/or low grades.

To break out of these struggles, we want to understand why they’re avoiding the work in the first place. Here are two common but not always obvious root causes:

1) They don’t know how to take ownership.

When teens blame lack of motivation or the teacher or their dislike for a subject, they’re shifting responsibility away from themselves.

This doesn’t mean they’re lazy or don’t care, and it’s often not deliberate; they feel that they are powerless in the face of feeling unmotivated, having a ‘bad’ teacher or hating a subject.

This is common when students haven’t been taught that they can take ownership over their learning let alone what it can look like to do this. They're genuinely stuck in a mindset where school feels like something that happens to them rather than something they have agency over.

So how do we help them take ownership?

Busting the motivation myth is a good start, namely recognizing that:

Motivation is NOT the problem. Thinking that motivation is needed to do work is the real problem.

A lot of teens don’t understand how motivation works:

It’s fickle, unreliable and generally shows up after we’ve taken the first steps.

It’s not motivation —> action —> success.

It’s action —> motivation —> success.

Part of taking ownership means doing the work when we don’t want to - knowing that lack of motivation is irrelevant to work completion.

It might take some time to dismantle the belief that they need to feel motivated to do their work, but I’ve seen firsthand with a couple thousand students that it is possible.

Important note: shifting out of mood-based work completion isn’t about willpower - it’s about identifying and using tools and systems to facilitate work completion regardless of mood (a bit more on that below).

Helping them get resourceful also improves ownership.

There are teachers, classes and assignments they’ll love and others they’ll think are terrible. That’s normal. But none of these things are reasons for not getting work done.

When we get stuck or confused or frustrated, we get resourceful to figure out the next step. This isn’t just encouraged right now, it’s expected in college and beyond.

This means e-mailing the teacher. Checking the syllabus. Rereading the guidelines. Asking a parent/tutor/mentor. Googling it.

Getting resourceful is one of the best skills and mindsets they can develop - not just for school, but for life.

This can be especially hard when teens feel like the teacher isn’t teaching in a way they understand. The assumption is that the teacher is responsible for them learning what is being taught, but here’s the truth:

Teachers are responsible for teaching curricula to a group of students to the best of their ability, not for tailoring every lesson to the preferences and personality of every student in the class.

Do I wish every student had instruction that clicked with them perfectly? Of course. But for the most part, that’s not the reality right now.

We can give our teens space to feel frustrated or disappointed by their teachers - it probably goes without saying these feelings are valid - but we don’t want to make the core issue about blame. It’s about helping them develop the skills for navigating less-than-ideal situations, which they'll encounter throughout life.

This involves a shift from focusing on what they can’t control (the teacher, the assignment) to what they can control: their response, their strategy, their willingness to get resourceful.

2) They have no system.

Most teens react to what’s due today or tomorrow. They don’t strategically manage their time, scope their work or plan it out in their calendar.

Again, this isn’t laziness or some other character flaw - they’re missing a system that guides them in getting their work done.

Without a system, they’re not clear on exactly what they need to do, when to do it or how long it will take. This leads to procrastination, stress, overwhelm and lower grades relative to what they’re truly capable of.

It doesn’t matter how much they want to do well or try to do well - relying on willpower or effort alone is not a strategy for sustained success.

A good system at the bare minimum answers three questions for each assignment:

• What exactly do I need to do?

• How long do I think it will take?

• When will I actually sit down and do it? (day and approximate time)

Teens writing this out - ideally in a calendar, where they can literally see where their time is going and when they’re getting their work done - is key. Externalizing their workload:

• creates clarity

• gives a greater sense of control

• reduces overwhelm and anxiety

• empowers them to strategically manage their own work (…and break out of parental micromanagement that can take a toll on your relationship)

The more students take ownership over their learning, the faster they can develop their system and reap the rewards - not just earning higher grades but feeling smarter, more confident and knowing they’re capable of tremendous success (no matter how big the waves seem 😎).

That’s it for today. Some cool stuff below.

Talk soon!

Kelsey

PS I have 2 spots open for 1:1 support this fall. If your child is in Grade 9 or above and wants higher grades, more confidence, more free time and less stress, book a call here. We’ll chat and see if it’s a fit to work together.

Resources & Opportunities

• Business conference for university students in NYC, all-expenses paid 🤩 If it’s of interest, share with your child - they’ll need to find the poster on LinkedIn, connect with her and drop their e-mail address in the comments of this post.

• “Solutions” Airtable. Crowd-sourced resources for parents in a ‘problem and solution’ format, categories include education, mental load, emotional health. Skews a bit towards younger kids (food, camp) but might have just what you’re looking for.

• Rodeo Ticket Student Scholarship. Essay contest for US college students, winner gets $500, deadline is August 15th.

• Illustrator Contest. If your teen is into art and sci-fi or fantasy, this is for them! Prizes range from $500-$5,000. Deadline is September 30th.

• Minecraft Scholarship. I wasn’t sure if this was actually real at first 😂 But I love it - for US high school or college students, a 500-word essay about how Minecraft can be a positive influence on education or career development. Winner gets $2,000, deadline is July 2026.

• Evans Scholarship. This is a full-ride scholarship - tuition, housing - open to high school seniors or college freshmen who have caddied for at least two years. Very niche and very cool. Deadline is October 15.

Quick Tip 💌 

Don’t wait until school starts for your teen to set up their own calendar. It is foundational to their success. They can learn the best note-taking techniques, study strategies, essay writing approaches etc. but if they’re not strategically carving out time and space to do their work, school will still feel harder than it should.

Now is the time, before classes, extracurriculars, etc. kick off and setting up their calendar feels like something...that they don’t have time for 🙃 

For a simple and free start, I recommend Google calendar. Set up takes less than 5 minutes.

I recorded a series of super quick videos on how to do this a while back, here they are for easy reference (they can complete Steps 1+2 before school goes back🤓):

Step 1 | Step 2 | Step 3