The #1 reason teens struggle in school

I recently learned that my Dad, a retired engineer, originally wanted to be a pilot.

This surprised me - how did I not know this?! - but the reason makes sense.

My Dad gets horrible motion sickness. This is something I’ve always known; it’s why he sits in the front seat of the car, takes anti-nausea pills before getting on a boat, and had to lie down after go-karting at my brother’s bachelor party (pictured below, I kept him company 🙂).

He couldn’t become a pilot because of a physical limitation. This logic extends to other fields, like sports - someone who is 5”2 isn’t positioned to play for the NBA, just like a person who is 6”4 isn’t suited to becoming a horse jockey.

These limitations make sense based on the nature of the activity. Even if we think it’s unfair, the fact stands that in a lot of activities, people succeed or not based on fixed traits they either have or don’t have.

School is NOT one of those activities.

Success in school is not contingent on IQ, EQ, being neurotypical, “naturally” motivated, having good teachers or interesting subjects.

The problem is that so many teens think it is. They think they’re struggling because they lack something over which they have no control.

They assume that these are the things that make school hard, and no amount of tutoring or accommodations or late nights or nagging will change their situation.

On the one hand, they’re right; lacking motivation or focus, having bad teachers or boring subjects, DOES make school feel hard.

But on the other hand, none of these things are the real problem. They’re symptoms of the real problem:

School is an activity that teens must do…without knowing how to do it. To continue our sports analogy - the problem is that they have to play, but aren’t taught the rules of the game.

Pause here for a second -

Imagine being told you must play the piano, but you’re never taught to read music.

Or that you must do a 500 meter breast stroke, but you don’t know how to swim.

Ridiculous, right? These are unfair and unrealistic expectations that would cause anyone a tremendous amount of stress, struggle and confusion.

Yet this is exactly how our education system works.

Kids are told they must go to school, but we don’t teach them how to learn.

We teach them subjects. We grade them on these subjects. We do not teach the skills needed to succeed in all subjects (and life) like time management, executive functioning, self-motivation or focus.

When students build these skills and use them to create a learning system, the symptoms that are causing all that stress and struggle diminish.

School doesn’t get easier but it feels easier, which means teens feel smarter, happier and more confident.

If your teen starts struggling in school this year, know that it’s not due to laziness or ADHD or not being smart enough. It’s because they don’t know the “rules of the game” for school.

I’ll detail these rules in my next email. They’re very simple and anyone can learn them.

Happy long weekend,

Kelsey